Nutritionist refuses to follow own advice


Although they instruct their patients to avoid sugar and salt “at all costs,” nutritionists around the world eat a whole host of crap themselves, including french fries, bacon and doughnuts. “I’d rather live a short life filled with fried chicken and ice cream,” one nutritionist explained. “Kale may be a superfood and a key to everlasting life – but it’s also an absolute disgrace to my tastebuds.”

Despite being professionally trained to understand the benefits of healthy foods, many nutritionists displayed the same bad habits of normal everyday people. “Look, if I’m super healthy, I could still die in a freak accident or something,” one professional clarified. “If that’s the case, why would I bother gagging down this raw broccoli?”

“I may be a nutritionist, but I’m also a person. That means I’m shortsighted and don’t property evaluate the long-term consequences of bad eating,” said one nutritionist. “Speaking of which, this is a really good hamburger, you should try some.”


At press time, the nutritionists told themselves that they would finally start eating healthy tomorrow.


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