Huckabee: Bible has no issues with “butt stuff”

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Cue a collection of outrage from the left.

“How can he go on picking and choosing what’s immoral every day?” said one Democratic senator. “First he had a problem with pornography, and now he’s ok with butt stuff?”

In response, conservative Mike Huckabee clarified that the Bible covers a whole host of “perverse sexual acts.” In fact, the Holy Book says married non-virgin women must be killed, and that gay activities and incest are outlawed.

“Again, the Bible never brings up any issues regarding butt stuff,” explained the former governor of Arkansas.

 

Photo of Mike "McDreamy" Huckabee
Huckabee when he was better looking.

Huckabee also acknowledged that the sexual revolution was likely taking a toll on his conservative political beliefs. “I’m starting to think I did this all wrong,” he admitted. “Imagine how much fun I could have had in my 20s if I embraced this all along.”

Still, it doesn’t seem like Huckabee will change his other views anytime soon.

“America is about freedom. Anyone can do what they want except when it explicitly says otherwise in the Bible.”

 

Note: This article is satirical, as in, not real.

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