Healthcare insurance CEO cleared to go to heaven


After a career of taking advantage of healthcare monopolies to the detriment of poor people, one CEO got the call of a lifetime from God last Thursday. “Upon death, you’re clear to enter the kingdom of heaven,” God said.

The call was a huge loss for progressives, who pegged it as another example of the justice system being rigged to favor the rich.


Photo of God and Jesus
The Lord has come under criticism for perpetuating an oligarchical culture.

“How is this fair?” argued one Democratic senator. “Some shmoe steals bread for their family and has to roast in everlasting hellfire, yet a man who systematically rigged the healthcare system gets a free pass.”

Senator Sanders ripped out his last strand of hair at press time.


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